Happy Valentines Day! An Ode to our Almost Divorce…

Last night after eating supper together I watched my husband play tag with our kids and I thought, “Wow, I’m so glad we didn’t give up.”

But, there was a time when I thought it might not be such a bad idea.

When Adam and I got married we were young, and excited, and those phrases like “better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health” didn’t sound as intense as they should’ve.  You hear “sickness” you think colds, you hear “worse” you think PMS.

The reality is so much more severe.

A few years ago we experienced an excess of bad fortune:  I had a very rough pregnancy followed closely by Adam losing a job.  He then jumped quickly into a career that took him away from home for long periods of time. There’s a LOT more psychology to it, but those are the crisis bullet points.  Alone they don’t sound like a big deal, but it felt like being kicked while we were already down.

The fact is that we both had a lot of personal issues that we were trying to have our spouse fix for us.  We went to a marriage counselor, (who was wonderful) but it didn’t seem to help–if anything it seemed to make things worse.  We were digging around in all of our personal baggage, unpacking each suitcase one agonizing issue at a time.

We felt broken.

And not like “glue-the-handle-back-on-the-tea-cup” broken either.  We felt like we were”car-so-totaled-it-was-going-to-take-the-jaws-of-life-to-escape-such-a-terrible-disaster.”

We were a disaster.

I cried A LOT! Adam was staying with some friends, I was wrapping my mind around the fact that we might not make it, and what that was going to mean for our sweet babies, for my future, for our lives.

It was the most heartbreaking time.

But we continued to fight.  We weren’t living together, but we continued to go to counseling, and it helped.  It helped a lot.

Once we got all that baggage unpacked and dealt with we were able to face our issues for what they really were, instead of what our personal hang-ups were telling us.

It wasn’t easy, but now, looking back, I’m glad we went through it all.

We are more committed now then we ever were.  We had a small taste of what life would feel like if we were alone and realized that the grass definitely wasn’t greener.

Losing his job wound up being a good thing as well.  Isn’t that interesting, how often the very thing that feels like a curse turns out to be the greatest of blessings.

So, Happy Valentines Day to a my man.

I’m so glad we didn’t give up back then.

I love you.

About trinakhobbs

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8 Responses to Happy Valentines Day! An Ode to our Almost Divorce…

  1. I love Mary Oliver the poet. This applies to our marriage as well. She says “Someone I loved once gave me a box of darkness. It was only later that I realized this too was a gift.” Much love to you both.

  2. Helmi says:

    Being honest that brought a few tears to my eyes. My honey and I just got over what we thought was going to be an end to our relationship–like I had my bag packed– but instead we changed the way we communicated with each other and our feet seemed to be back on the same path even though it my be a dirt road now we feel like we’re heading to paved 🙂 thank you for sharing! It’s hard to remember your not alone sometimes with certain feelings 🙂

    • trinakhobbs says:

      Oh, I’m so glad you liked it. That’s part of why I did share. A few friends were talking about how perfect my marriage was and I felt like I was doing a disservice to these women. I’d felt SO alone during that time, so I thought, “I should be more open about our struggles so that others won’t feel alone either.” Relationships are super hard. Ugh. Worth it, but hard. Best of luck to you both.

  3. Pingback: vulnerability… | habitual metamorphosis

  4. Your vulnerability is beyond encouraging, Trina! And you teach me so much about life through your posts. Thank you for being you and being bold.

  5. Pingback: haircuts, and life-changes | habitual metamorphosis

  6. Pingback: One year down. A thank you note. | habitual metamorphosis

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