I miss my mother, I literally ache for her.
During our move one of our salt shakers broke, and it just happens to have formally belonged to my mother.
The minute that random porcelain piece hit our counter top I burst into tears.
I don’t know a thing about this salt shaker, other then it belonged to my mom, and it is therefore priceless. I’ve put everything ever touched by that woman onto such a pedestal that I barely breath when I’m near one, and yet I managed to break this one. One hundred percent my fault.
I’ve been hoarding every tiny piece for a couple of weeks now, and last night I made the rather difficult decision to formally part with it’s shards.
I threw it away, and I bawled like a baby.
(I’d already glued it back together once, so it wasn’t really functional, but parting with it kills me. I’m keeping the matching pepper shaker, forever. Period.)
I know that my mother does not somehow exist in these little trinkets and dishes, but each time I break or misplace one it feels like I lose a part of her all over again.
It sounds cliche, but my mom really was my best friend. I simply can’t believe how long it’s been since I last spoke to her.
Boggles my mind.
I wish I could ask her where she got these shakers, or why she kept them for so long.
I wish my mom had been around when I was pregnant.
I wish she could meet my babies.
I hate that these beauties are going to be raised in a world in which she doesn’t physically exist.
But, when I start to get really sad I have to remind myself that I will see her again someday.
And in the mean time I can look at my blonde-haired, blue-eyed babies, my forever reminders of my mother’s gorgeous genes, and know that even though she’s no longer on earth, she lives on in my kids.
I can’t allow myself to reduce my mother’s memory to nothing more than random nicknacks. Her legacy is so much more than that, and will reach through the generations of our family.
And I don’t need a salt shaker to remember her. She’s engrained into my soul.
So, while I do look forward to being reunited with my mom with GREAT anticipation, I am also desperate to cherish every moment I have on this earth.
If my parents have taught me anything it’s that life is both short and unpredictable.
Let’s make it count.