Last night was rough, my kids didn’t actually go to bed screaming, but it was by the skin on our teeth.
Parenting is hard.
Then this morning started the same way that yesterday ended.
And I cried.
Guys, parenting is hard.
I barely managed to get my kids to their classes on time.
While standing in front of my son’s school, taking my first full breaths of the day, I bumped into a brand new friend who greeted me with, “Wow, are you sick?”
Isn’t that just a testament to how I feel; I’m so poured-out that I literally look physically ill.
Luckily, our conversation didn’t end there.
My new friend and I walked together back to our cars and just before splitting up this wonderful woman stopped,
took time out of her day,
and prayed for me.
Oh the sweetness.
She prayed for peace, (for me)
she prayed for comfort, (for me)
(Do you know how nice it is to be the focus of someones kindness for a change? Sometimes you just need to hear that someone cares about you too.)
She also prayed that, if this is a time of refinement, that it wouldn’t take too long.(Refinement? Is that what this is? What is it that I’m holding on to? What’s getting in my way? My desperation for order, my desire for a picture perfect holiday? My need for children who aren’t such awful bullies?)
I got into my car and immediately said, out loud, “New attitude, Trina.”
Then I drove home and jumped into a bit of work, started a load of laundry, filled the sink with warm water to soak the stuck on pesto off my dishes. I even took a couple bags of trash to the alley because trash gets picked up on Tuesdays. . .
then I remembered that it’s Thursday.
Gosh, I’m a mess.
But, at least I’ve got a fresh attitude.
I actually pride myself on my rosy attitude. (believe it or not.) It’s one of my only redeeming qualities and I cling to it like a vice.
When the darkness starts to creep in, when the world feels overwhelming, when life feels hard. . . and short.
I look for beauty.
I’m good at that.
I fight for it.
And last night the darkness won, but only for the night.
Today I’m working on a new attitude. (“Working on” being the key phrase)
I’m choosing to cherish my temporarily quite home, dirty or otherwise.
I’m going to drink my coffee, (with a ton of creamer because today i need it, dog-gone-it I deserve it.)
I’m gonna listen to an audio book and I’m going to choose to focus on my warm home, my healthy family, my sweet-sweet life.
I’m diving in.