My daughter is a member of the world’s cutest gymnastics team. During her hour long class the coach will often climb up onto the balance beam and demonstrate how to carefully traverse its length. Usually, when she is half way across, this coach will begin to frantically swing her arms behind her, pretending to lose her balance, and yell out to the class, “OH NO GIRLS! I’m going to fall, what should I do???” To which the row of ridiculously adorable girls, in their pigtails and sparkly leotards, will shout back between giggles:
“JUMP OFF! JUMP OFF!”
“That’s right ladies, jump.
Then gather yourself, climb back up, and start again.”
Yesterday I shared something deeply personal on this blog.
Why would I do that in such a public forum?
The answer is, because it is safer to jump.
This morning, in therapy, (I’m just going to keep mentioning that I go to therapy until it gets less awkward.) I told my counselor about yesterday’s blog post and how good it felt to share, to which he replied:
“Yes, because it set you free.”
EXACTLY, sharing my story, as embarrassing as it is, is also empowering.
Because now I am free.
I no longer have to waste any energy on “keeping up appearances”.
I can finally put down the burden of perfection.
For the past year I’ve been walking a tight-rope of “what will they think?” and frankly, my balance has failed.
So, yesterday I jumped.
I jumped into the truth and now it is time to gather up my pieces. Which might take some time but at least I can focus my energy on moving forward instead of spit-shinning the past.
I want to say a huge,
You will never understand how much I mean it,
THANK YOU, to everyone who reached out to me yesterday.
I took a real risk standing publicly in my shame and you all rose to the occasion.
Many of you reached out, saying things that are hard to hear but needed to be said.
And God even called a few of you to stand with me.
Sharing things that were hard to say…
but still needed to be said.
Dear friends, that is divine.
My sister often quotes, “God whispers to us in our joys but shouts in our pain.” Well I can honestly say that I felt God moving through yesterday in a deeply healing and beautiful way.
Please hear me say that I am forever grateful for your support.
HE is gathering me up, equipping me to start again.
My Broken Hallelujah