So…now lets talk about you


I have simply been blown away by the support I’ve received from all of you.  It is a real “faith in humanity” restoring kinda time for me.

You cannot imagine how many, “me too” conversations that I have had recently.  Reaching out in support is one thing, but reaching out to share your own heartbreak, your own experiences… or even your own personal struggles.  WOW.  Some of the people I have placed high up on a pedestal have had the courage to speak up and say:

I’ve been that broken too.

Here’s a little PSA for you: I honestly cannot believe how many people I’ve met this month that have been involved in, or have suffered the consequences of, infidelity.  I will be much more careful in the future about how I speak to anyone about any issue.  I realize now how often people suffer in silence.  It’s probably best to just assume that your audience has their own experiences with your issue before ranting too heavy.

And the support isn’t just for me.  Like it or not folks, Adam is a part of this story, and I’m not going to ignore his healing no matter how much pressure I feel to.

In fact I am desperately praying for that healing.  This man will be in my life, and the life of my babies, on a daily basis–forever.  Trust me, I’ve looked into it.  If we divorce Adam WILL get the kids 50% of the time.  There is no getting around that.

Divorce means losing a husband and half of the lives of my kids.  It’s not a stellar option.

So, if we divorce and my kids spend half of their life being raised outside of my watchful eye, then I NEED to trust the person who is raising them.

And if we do not get divorced, then I NEED my kids to witness a healthy marriage, a loving father.

I NEED a whole man, no matter the outcome, that is an absolute necessity.

And I’ve been simply floored by the encouragement Adam has gotten on his journey to healing.

Not a soul has said, “Oh please, you didn’t do anything wrong.”  Praise the LORD.  BUT, with very few exceptions, most people have also avoided talking to him as if he is a lost cause.

Which is an even bigger Hallelujah in my book.

God, in his infinite wisdom, has guided Adam into the most random conversations with the very last people you would assume would show him Grace, but have.

Example number 1:

The very first people God presented to Adam were a couple, a wife and a man we will call John.  John has his own broken marriage because his first wife cheated.  Now you’d think  that Adam’s story would aggravate John’s own wounds leading to a fight and a lost friendship.

But it didn’t.

John was very clear that what Adam did was “pure s*@t”, his words ;-), but he left the door open for future conversations and offered his help to Adam if he ever needs it.

It sounds simple–but for Adam, a man who has quite literally never been completely honest about who he really is, to have his very first experience with being authentic be with John, a man who has every reason to hate him–feels divine.

It would take very little to shut Adam back into his life of false selves.  Adam could quickly and easily go back to sending his representative out into the world instead of standing in his truth.

But that moment with John was Adam testing the waters of honesty and PRAISE JESUS, John met him in that truth (with more than a little help from his wife) and didn’t shut him down.

That conversation with John gave Adam the momentum to continue telling the truth.

It was a game changer.

And, randomly, the next few people God presented to Adam were all people who had been cheated on.  Men who had been betrayed just like Adam had betrayed me.  Isn’t that interesting?  Adam is telling the whole truth, for the very first time, to the very people who should be the worst people to tell.  And yet, time and time again, these men showed us Grace.

And encouraging Adam to keep fighting is EXACTLY what I most need right now.  It is what my kids need more than anything else.  We NEED people to come along side Adam and encourage him to keep moving forward.

There are people who have been involved in infidelity who have encouraged us, couples who have survived this that have counseled us.  Friends that showed up in the middle of the night to talk me through a dark moment.  I mean.  I love you all.

Ok, example number 2:

A man, George, that Adam never really got along with has recently gotten divorced.  Adam reached out to this man to ask for advice and it turns out that George got divorced because his wife had cheated.  (Do you see the theme?)

So George, who had never really liked Adam, bought my husband a coffee, sat him down, and said, “Don’t stop fighting for your bride.”

George, who has no loyalty to me, in fact we’ve never met.  George, who has every reason to despise a cheater.

George put his issues aside and spoke encouragement to my husband and comfort to me.

George is my hero.

And there are so many more.  SO many more.

God is using the people of this community to bring healing to my family and it is simply beautiful to witness.

I want to thank each and every one of you.

Thank you for bringing comfort to a broken woman.

Thank you for encouraging the long, hard road that I NEED-NEED-NEED my husband to walk down.

Thank you for loving my kids when they most need to feel safe.

I love you all.


About trinakhobbs
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2 Responses to So…now lets talk about you

  1. bitsybblog says:

    🙂 🙂 🙂 I second that people. Thank you thank you thank you for encouraging my big brother. He is a good man who did a bad thing and I’m so proud he is my big brother. I’m proud because he is making a real effort to keep his bride. I’m proud because he has become absolutely and fully transparent. I’m proud because he is looking to God to heal his family. I’m proud because he chose this woman in the first place who is sticking through this mess to see if it can become whole again. Good job both of you!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU SO DANG MUCH.

  2. bitsybblog says:

    And when I say “He is a good man who did a bad thing” I don’t mean for it to sound trivial. It was a huge thing, a devastating thing, it was SIN. I pray for both of you to heal and that God will continue to work in your marriage. I pray for your family Trina that they will love you and support you, I pray that mine will love you and support you, I pray that your community will continue to show you God’s love! If there is one thing that I am seeing in full swing here is the love that all these people have for all of you. It’s great. God is good 🙂 I am so proud of my sister, Trina Hobbs

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