So we survived. Barely, by the skin of our teeth, but we made it through a crazy two weeks of travel and company, made it through our first visit with extended family, and our first major holiday post truth…post separation.
We attempted a family trip to Denver where I visited with my brother and Adam attended a company meeting. Hindsight–it was probably too much too soon. We had an incredibly heartbreaking talk with our kids that just about broke me. My son told me to look up the verse Matthew 5:44, which I did–on the sweet Gideon Bible you always find in hotel rooms, and it read: “But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!”
Not bad, kid.
After our rough Denver trip my dear friend and former college roommate came over from California for an impromptu visit. I thought for sure that she had asked to come because she was worried about me, turns out she had no idea Adam and I are separated and I dropped the bomb in the airport parking lot.
It ended up being a truly divine meeting because we were able to really help each other. My friend is single and free, living a totally different life then me out in San Francisco. Up until our meeting I kinda envied her life. While my friend was looking at my Instagram life and envying me. My warm home, my sweet babies, my handsome husband.
Grass is always greener, right?
At one point I said to her, “You know what I’m getting out of this talk? Being single isn’t going to solve all of my problems, and being married won’t solve all of yours.”
It was absolutely wonderful to have her here.
She left on Sunday afternoon and on Monday morning we drove to New Mexico to spend Thanksgiving with Adam’s family.
It was rough.
We had to drive through a town that was a rendezvous point for the affair.
I had to spend the week missing my family like crazy. (Like actual “drive-you-to-the-ground-weeping-your-eyes-out” crazy.)
I had my fourth panic attack on the family room floor.
I especially missed the comfort of my mom. GOD!! I want my mom.
This is by far the loneliest time of my life.
I survived…we survived. My kids had a wonderful holiday which makes me feel crazy proud of myself. And we are back,
one day at a time.
I read a quote the other day by Ann Voskamp:
“Please hear me, Girl: The world has enough women who know how to do their hair. It needs women who know how to do hard and holy things.”
I believe that is what I am doing.
Really what we are doing.
Many people who stray from marriage walk away from the work it would take to heal. Adam is not walking away. He is not taking an easy road either.
And this road that we are on, this road less traveled, is both hard and holy.
And it sucks, it sucks, it sucks…and it is still holy.
And we are surviving.