So, I’ve been explaining all the different methods I’ve been employing to survive, and heal, and perhaps thrive while walking through this valley.
And, most issues I’ve been able to actively work through. And I’m really doing well.
But I have one annoying lingering issue, and I could use some “real-life-experience” advice on this one, so please feel free to share your wisdom with me.
Here it is: How do you forgive someone who isn’t sorry?
I have gotten zero apologies from the other women. I have randomly bumped into one many times and it is like poison in my veins.
I have zero desire to live this way.
I am not a person who thrives on drama.
I have made choices my whole life to avoid being this type of person. The person who has to leave her favorite restaurant because “She” walked in. The person who startles every time she spots someone with similar hair or clothes.
It is SO UNFAIR! That I now have a person I avoid. That I am now part of the, “We can’t invite Trina if we invite so-and-so” crowd.
I did not ask for this.
This is not the bed I made.
I am a kind person. I should not AT ALL be in this position.
So how do I accept this lot in life, and move forward without it controlling me?
AND on top of that!
How do I deal with the people who now wish to avoid me?
Unfortunately, a lot of lines have been drawn in my life. I have had a handful of people declare that it’s either Adam or them.
And I understand.
I choose Adam
Well really, I choose my kids. . . I choose me. . . I choose my family. . . I choose to follow where my Savior leads.
(And trust me, if I could explain to you all that Adam has been doing for me and our family you would understand my choice. Hopefully someday I will.)
So, how do I now live in a world where a huge section of the population wants to avoid me?
I never thought this would be my life. I didn’t make the choices that would lead to this place.
And I grieve the loss of the life I feel like I deserved:
I was always so proud to be with Adam, I mourn the loss of that pride.
I was always so confident when attending events, knowing that I had no “issues” with anyone there. I grieve the loss of that confidence.
I felt like a relatively liked and accepted individual. I deeply miss that feeling.
This is not just that someone slept with my husband. This is the shattering loss of the life I’ve spent so long building. This is the stripping away of many of the characteristics that made me who I thought I was.
And I liked who I was.
So… how do I forgive this unwanted life I find myself in?
And HOW do I do it when there is no sorrow?