I wrote a whole blog post this morning, and then I received the worst phone call of my life.
But I’ve had an epiphany. So, I’m going to share my original post anyway, I’ll just tack on a little extra at the end..
So here’s what it was meant to say:
“On December 1, Adam started fasting.
For me, for himself, for our souls.
Everyday he has dedicated himself to asking for forgiveness for a different pain that has occurred.
He has had no food for 12 days.
One day for every year we’ve been married. One day for every month of this past horrible year.
In the Bible 12 symbolizes perfection.
It represents completion.
It is finished…
Adam made this plan on his own. I believe God himself challenged Adam, and my husband showed up.
(This is the guy I’ve always wanted to be married to.)
I could not have asked him for a better Christmas gift if I’d tried. It seems perfectly designed for our healing.
It hasn’t been easy for him, but he has powered through. He continued to meet me for personal training. He still played on his soccer team, he still showed up for our kids.
It’s been very beautiful. For him and for me.
Just like sitting in, “The Chair” at my counselors office is meant to accelerate healing, fasting rushes through our emotional baggage. And while juice fasting is often used as a tool to rid ourselves of physical toxins, it also helps our bodies purge any spiritually toxic emotions as well.
It strips away your walls. It exposes your weakness.
I’ve been so amazed watching my husband work so hard to get his family back that I offered to join him for his last few days. True to form, I ate my last meal on the 8th, (I really love 8) and have spent the last four days in cahoots with this man.
We are broken together, we are healing…together.
It hasn’t been easy for me either. I’ve had a handful of dark moments. That damn chair didn’t wipe me clean for good. I still got some straggling hurt emotions that rear their ugly heads when aggravated by lack of sleep, or hunger.
There’s more to it. Adam hasn’t only been fasting from food. But I’ll let him share the rest of that story on his own someday.
And so, yesterday we took communion together.
Together, that beautiful word.
And tonight we feast.
I am going to get dressed up, buy a big old fatty steak and eat a meal with my best friend.
And I’m going to be thankful for the second chance I have to get to know my first love.
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-3
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up”
Our time of fasting is coming to a close, we have been broken down–it is time to heal, time to build back up,
Time for a feast.
“‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is now found.’”
Luke 15: 31-32″
That was my original post, then I got a phone call from a loved one telling me they no longer want me in their life.
And you know what. I’m still choosing hope.
I do not believe in coincidences. I do not think it was an accident that I got this phone call during the final hours of our fast. Jesus was also attacked at the end of his 40 day fast and I’m telling you, nothing could cut me down worse then losing another family member.
Yet here I am–and I’m still saying, God’s got me.
Romans 8: 31-39
“What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? ... Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?…No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
If I’ve got nothing left but God I still have enough to start again.
And tonight we feast, come hell of high-water.