When a man is trying to change…

So… most of you don’t like Adam, right?

Of course you don’t.  How could you?

I mean…I liked him 12 years ago, when we first started dating.

I liked him when we got married.

But I’ve liked him less and less over the past few years.

And this last year I downright despised him.

A week before he admitted his affair to me I disliked him so much that I told him that I wanted a divorce.

Did you catch that timeline?  BEFORE I ever knew about an affair I was out.  I disliked him that much.

I’ve NEVER stopped loving that man.  But I did not like him AT. ALL.

Thankfully, over these past few weeks I’ve grown to like him again.  This guy…the sober, helpful, kind, sorrow-filled guy.  This guy I like.

There’s been a few times when Adam would do something: like show up with lice treatment and spend hours combing through our daughter’s hair when I called him for help.  Like bringing me a meatball sub after I’d yelled at him straight through both breakfast AND lunch.  Like going on a self-imposed fast for 12 days in order to cleanse his body of the toxins of this last year…

He would do something like that and I would look him in the eye and say, “This guy.  I want this guy.”

Last night I went to watch Adam play soccer with his local team.  It was his birthday and his last game of the season so I bundled up and went.

It was so fun.  I really enjoyed watching from the sidelines and cheering on the boys.  (brought back my old dance team/cheerleader days) .

After the first game I walked over to talk to him and I mentioned how much I enjoyed watching and how it was too bad that the season was over.

“I should have come to some earlier…although, to be fair…I didn’t really like you much then.”

To which Adam replied, “Yep…fair enough.”

I absolutely understand that people might not like Adam.  That’s totally fair, I didn’t either.

Today, a sweet woman (one of the few people who spoke up in warning for me) met me for coffee to explain that although she didn’t want me to feel left out, she wasn’t ready to just hangout with Adam quite yet.

I get that.  And I crazy appreciate the fact that she was willing to have the awkward conversation with me.

I didn’t want Adam around either.  I didn’t like him either.

But I like him now.  I want him around now.

I’ve done a lot of “just me and the kids” over the past year and I’m getting weary of it.

I went to a Christmas event recently and someone who had been hurt by Adam was there.  Adam (via text) asked if this person wanted him to leave–which they did–and Adam immediately walked away and once again, the kids and I found ourselves alone.

I’m done with this.

I will honor and respect any “uninvitation” I receive with no hard feelings.  Because I get it.

I was just there.

But at this point, any invitation has to be for all of us or none of us.

And thankfully, we have received at least one Christmas invitation to spend with friends and I have absolutely wept with gratitude over it.

My kids have lived without their dad for long enough.

I have lived without my husband.

None of you have to like him ever, but I pray that most of you will heal just like I am.

And I hope that you all can join me in recognizing the man Adam is choosing to be and not hold him to who he was forever.



About trinakhobbs

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