It’s been one month shy of a year since the truth came out. Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned during this baptism by fire:
Everything, EVERYTHING, has a healthy side and a sinful side.
I have always been a peace-maker. I like this about myself. However, I now recognize that my efforts to “make peace” were often my weak way of avoiding confronting something broken in my life.
I used something good, in this case peace keeping, to avoid God’s calling on my heart. I knew he wanted me to say something, to get up, to leave, to make a move and not stand for the injustice. But! I was shy, and scared, and wanted to be liked, so I towed the line and played nice and made a doormat out of myself.
I turned “peace-maker” into a sin.
This is a character flaw that didn’t just affect my marriage, it affected every relationship in my life. So, recognizing and doing my best to find a balance between peace and passivity is also affecting all the relationships in my life.
It’s the new normal and is going to take some time to get used to, but I will never go back to the old me.
Sometimes the darkness is there to make the light more beautiful.
Christmas 2016 was shaping up to be tragic. I was separated, I’d been kicked out of my usual Christmas traditions, I literally had no where to go and nothing to do. But somehow…I had the best Christmas of my life.
I think it’s a lot like minimalism. The less you own the more you appreciate what you have.
We were striped down–all excess was gone– and we were able to appreciate the very few priorities that we had left.
This entire year had that theme.
Have you ever watched naked and afraid? It is this absurd show where people willingly go naked into a foreign territory and try to survive for 21 days. They are starving and cold. They are dirty and dead tired and more often then not they wind up injured, bug bitten, sick, and exhausted.
What’s interesting is that the people who don’t have as hard of a time often leave their 21 days grumpy and dissatisfied. While the people whose adventure takes a darker turn: they get caught in a rain storm that lasts for days, their water supply give them dysentery, or (in the most extreme cases) their partner abandons them and they are left to survive in the wilderness completely alone–those people wind up having a real “come to Jesus”, life altering experience and leave their adventure as new beings.
I’m telling you, that has been our year.
It could not have been darker and yet we are walking out of the wilderness as new creations. It’s been CRAZY hard, but…this year has also been beautiful…and easily one of the very best years of my life.
Here’s the thing:
If you were to put my first marriage on a platter and my new marriage up next to it and ask me to choose between the two–I would choose this new life.
I am a new woman with a new husband and I’m so much happier now.
I will FOREVER wish that the journey to get here had been different.
But I wouldn’t go back.
One of the small blessings in a marriage that is obviously broken is no one can deny that you need to change. No one would wish for our heartbreak in their lives, but the flip side is we are no longer floating along in a state of “good enough”.
We were down to, “be better or be nothing” and we chose better.
And I’m thankful.